Toddlers, Curiosity and Freedom
We love our dear Olivia to the moon and back a hundred bazillion times. She makes us laugh every single day and is just FUN to watch. She is over the top curious, constantly on the move, very brave (climbs on anything and everything) and is not afraid to stand up to her sisters (most days she runs the show). And many of these traits, if steered in the right direction, will serve her well in life.
But as a 20 month old...these traits often are the cause for lots of "No's" or throat clearing "eeght's" from me...and lots of frustration, whining, grunting, kicking and crying on her part. Just today (and this isn't all of it)...
1)
We are letting her practice with a real cup at lunch. Today - she thought it would be fun to dump her glass of milk on the floor - all while looking straight into my eyes from across the room. Kind of a..."what are you gonna do now mom, huh?" sort of look! She got a big NO from me...and a sippy cup. When she got her sippy cup, she hopped down off the chair, quietly went into the family room, turned her sippy cup upside down and started shaking all the milk out of it. I found her half way through the process. Again - another NO and sippy cup removal...which caused a big stink!
2)
Speaking of stink...diaper changes. She doesn't like them. Mainly because I interrupt her from what she is doing and the last place she wants to be is tied down, getting her toosh wiped (who can blame her?). She practices her escape artist moves and we always seem to be exchanging "words" as I fight to hold her down with one hand and finish her change with the other.
3)
While I was in the laundry room, she opened up our game cupboard, dumped about 50% of our board games and proceeded to smear hundreds of pieces everywhere. I found her bouncing on top of two of the game board boxes with a huge smile on her face..."look what I did mom!" Her bubble was squashed as I again told her "No" and proceeded to pick up all that she had done. She was so mad at me for putting the cards back in their boxes...we may have even gotten some foot stomps.
4)
I organized a book shelf in Ava & Kate's room that had been driving me nuts for the past few months. Feeling accomplished, I moved on to clean Olivia's room. 2 minutes into Olivia's room, Ava yelled "Mom...Olivia took all the books out of the book shelf." I ran back to the room and sure enough...the little stinker had undone my "organized" bookshelf. Not sure why I even try sometimes:-) Organization may be a thing of the past!
The list could go on, but you get the point. Curious + gets into things + makes a big mess + gets a No and lecture from me which probably sounds like "No, bldkjoioiuowijeoijr;oijoiuowiuer" to her. Usual toddler/mommy behavior.
So...a friend of mine passed on the article below, "Why Being a Toddler is Hard - The real reason for those tantrums and meltdowns", written by Melissa Sher. I loved it! I think I need to book-mark it and re-read every once in a while during our tough back and forth weeks to remind myself where Olivia's coming from! I still will continue to enforce the rules...but need to remember a lot of the trouble and frustration just comes from her curiosity...she's discovering the world around her. So tomorrow...we're getting out more play-dough, paint, dirt, etc....for her to get her hands into, play and discover. Maybe if I do a tad more to direct her to contained messes, it will save frustration on both our parts!
Here's to my adorably inquisitive, stubborn, sweet Olivia (who I do love more than words - messes, tantrums and all). And here is Mellissa Sher's article - I think it hits the head on the nail (think that's how the saying goes??)...
"One morning, my then one-and-a-half-year-old son unlocked the child-safety latch of our bottom bathroom drawer. Upon finding my makeup, he began breathing heavily with excitement and staggering around. What a haul! What loot! Imagine his disappointment when, just as he was about to pry the shiny cap off a red lipstick, I picked him up and carried him out of the bathroom. I didn’t congratulate him on his discovery. I didn’t point him in the direction of the hallway’s white walls and say, “My home is your canvas. Go forth and create.” Instead, I ruined everything.
Before I had children, when I’d go to the grocery store and see a little kid in the cereal aisle screaming and crying, I’d shake my head. Why was it that every time I saw a toddler, he or she was throwing some kind of fit? What could be so difficult about spending the day playing, napping, and eating? Now, after living among their kind, I should apologize. Not to you, but to them. Here’s the sad truth: for toddlers, the world is a rough place full of squelched mysteries, restrained freedoms, and nonsensical commands. I think I’d rather be fourteen again than be a toddler.
What does an old, forgotten Goldfish cracker from the bottom of a car seat taste like? What kind of pattern does yogurt make when it splatters onto the floor? What sound do cookbook pages make as they are torn in half? These and many other great discoveries are often stopped by us, the big people in our toddlers’ lives.
What if you sat down to read the newspaper when suddenly — out of nowhere — some giant swooped down and plopped you in front of a pile of plastic blocks? You’d holler your tush off.
How frustrating! What must it be like to get stopped by a security guard time and time again? To be constantly redirected and rerouted as you tried to go about your day, without an understanding of what you had done wrong? What if you sat down to read the newspaper and drink your coffee when suddenly — out of nowhere — some giant swooped down and plopped you in front of a pile of plastic blocks? You bet you’d protest. You’d holler your tush off.
So what’s the reward for a toddler’s natural curiosity? A little freedom and encouragement? No, just the opposite. Oppression! We pin them to furniture all day long: the stroller, the car seat, the high chair. All of the straps! All of the restraints! How maddening it must be to sit, captive, in front of a tray covered with food you can’t identify or don’t remember liking. No wonder it’s so often tossed to the floor.
And does anyone like being forced to perform for strangers? “Blow a kiss. Clap your hands. Wave ‘bye bye.’ Give Aunt Lisa a high five. Touch your nose. No, not your toes … your nose. Okay, now touch your toes. Blow another kiss. Let’s turn on some music. Dance. Dance!”
Do I need to even mention the language barrier? How much can these chubby-cheeked kids actually understand? Twenty percent? Thirty percent? Two percent? They don’t really understand us. We don’t really understand them. Every day must feel like an endless, torturous game of The $100,000 Pyramid. Anyone can see how badly toddlers want to communicate with the outside world. Does a day go by without a toddler picking up some object and holding it to his or her ear like a telephone? “Lo! Lo! Lo!” my son used to yell into a toy truck. Who was he calling? Was he trying to get help?
Of course, in the end, we parents still have to be the bad cop again and again — and again. Toddlers have to eat. They have to sleep. They can’t run into the street every time they notice an open door or scribble with indelible green marker all over the sofa. But I just want the record to reflect that I feel for them. And, in about fifty or so years, I want the toddlers of today to remember my solidarity with their cause and please treat me with care."
But as a 20 month old...these traits often are the cause for lots of "No's" or throat clearing "eeght's" from me...and lots of frustration, whining, grunting, kicking and crying on her part. Just today (and this isn't all of it)...
1)
We are letting her practice with a real cup at lunch. Today - she thought it would be fun to dump her glass of milk on the floor - all while looking straight into my eyes from across the room. Kind of a..."what are you gonna do now mom, huh?" sort of look! She got a big NO from me...and a sippy cup. When she got her sippy cup, she hopped down off the chair, quietly went into the family room, turned her sippy cup upside down and started shaking all the milk out of it. I found her half way through the process. Again - another NO and sippy cup removal...which caused a big stink!
2)
Speaking of stink...diaper changes. She doesn't like them. Mainly because I interrupt her from what she is doing and the last place she wants to be is tied down, getting her toosh wiped (who can blame her?). She practices her escape artist moves and we always seem to be exchanging "words" as I fight to hold her down with one hand and finish her change with the other.
3)
While I was in the laundry room, she opened up our game cupboard, dumped about 50% of our board games and proceeded to smear hundreds of pieces everywhere. I found her bouncing on top of two of the game board boxes with a huge smile on her face..."look what I did mom!" Her bubble was squashed as I again told her "No" and proceeded to pick up all that she had done. She was so mad at me for putting the cards back in their boxes...we may have even gotten some foot stomps.
4)
I organized a book shelf in Ava & Kate's room that had been driving me nuts for the past few months. Feeling accomplished, I moved on to clean Olivia's room. 2 minutes into Olivia's room, Ava yelled "Mom...Olivia took all the books out of the book shelf." I ran back to the room and sure enough...the little stinker had undone my "organized" bookshelf. Not sure why I even try sometimes:-) Organization may be a thing of the past!
The list could go on, but you get the point. Curious + gets into things + makes a big mess + gets a No and lecture from me which probably sounds like "No, bldkjoioiuowijeoijr;oijoiuowiuer" to her. Usual toddler/mommy behavior.
So...a friend of mine passed on the article below, "Why Being a Toddler is Hard - The real reason for those tantrums and meltdowns", written by Melissa Sher. I loved it! I think I need to book-mark it and re-read every once in a while during our tough back and forth weeks to remind myself where Olivia's coming from! I still will continue to enforce the rules...but need to remember a lot of the trouble and frustration just comes from her curiosity...she's discovering the world around her. So tomorrow...we're getting out more play-dough, paint, dirt, etc....for her to get her hands into, play and discover. Maybe if I do a tad more to direct her to contained messes, it will save frustration on both our parts!
Here's to my adorably inquisitive, stubborn, sweet Olivia (who I do love more than words - messes, tantrums and all). And here is Mellissa Sher's article - I think it hits the head on the nail (think that's how the saying goes??)...
"One morning, my then one-and-a-half-year-old son unlocked the child-safety latch of our bottom bathroom drawer. Upon finding my makeup, he began breathing heavily with excitement and staggering around. What a haul! What loot! Imagine his disappointment when, just as he was about to pry the shiny cap off a red lipstick, I picked him up and carried him out of the bathroom. I didn’t congratulate him on his discovery. I didn’t point him in the direction of the hallway’s white walls and say, “My home is your canvas. Go forth and create.” Instead, I ruined everything.
Before I had children, when I’d go to the grocery store and see a little kid in the cereal aisle screaming and crying, I’d shake my head. Why was it that every time I saw a toddler, he or she was throwing some kind of fit? What could be so difficult about spending the day playing, napping, and eating? Now, after living among their kind, I should apologize. Not to you, but to them. Here’s the sad truth: for toddlers, the world is a rough place full of squelched mysteries, restrained freedoms, and nonsensical commands. I think I’d rather be fourteen again than be a toddler.
What does an old, forgotten Goldfish cracker from the bottom of a car seat taste like? What kind of pattern does yogurt make when it splatters onto the floor? What sound do cookbook pages make as they are torn in half? These and many other great discoveries are often stopped by us, the big people in our toddlers’ lives.
What if you sat down to read the newspaper when suddenly — out of nowhere — some giant swooped down and plopped you in front of a pile of plastic blocks? You’d holler your tush off.
How frustrating! What must it be like to get stopped by a security guard time and time again? To be constantly redirected and rerouted as you tried to go about your day, without an understanding of what you had done wrong? What if you sat down to read the newspaper and drink your coffee when suddenly — out of nowhere — some giant swooped down and plopped you in front of a pile of plastic blocks? You bet you’d protest. You’d holler your tush off.
So what’s the reward for a toddler’s natural curiosity? A little freedom and encouragement? No, just the opposite. Oppression! We pin them to furniture all day long: the stroller, the car seat, the high chair. All of the straps! All of the restraints! How maddening it must be to sit, captive, in front of a tray covered with food you can’t identify or don’t remember liking. No wonder it’s so often tossed to the floor.
And does anyone like being forced to perform for strangers? “Blow a kiss. Clap your hands. Wave ‘bye bye.’ Give Aunt Lisa a high five. Touch your nose. No, not your toes … your nose. Okay, now touch your toes. Blow another kiss. Let’s turn on some music. Dance. Dance!”
Do I need to even mention the language barrier? How much can these chubby-cheeked kids actually understand? Twenty percent? Thirty percent? Two percent? They don’t really understand us. We don’t really understand them. Every day must feel like an endless, torturous game of The $100,000 Pyramid. Anyone can see how badly toddlers want to communicate with the outside world. Does a day go by without a toddler picking up some object and holding it to his or her ear like a telephone? “Lo! Lo! Lo!” my son used to yell into a toy truck. Who was he calling? Was he trying to get help?
Of course, in the end, we parents still have to be the bad cop again and again — and again. Toddlers have to eat. They have to sleep. They can’t run into the street every time they notice an open door or scribble with indelible green marker all over the sofa. But I just want the record to reflect that I feel for them. And, in about fifty or so years, I want the toddlers of today to remember my solidarity with their cause and please treat me with care."
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